The future of things to come.

I had an anxiety attack last night. It's been a while since I had one, actually about 6 months ago. I did a good job of controlling my stress and anxiety over the summer and through the beginning of the fall, but when that familiar tightness pulled at my chest last night, I couldn't stop it. I called the one person I know who understands what it's like, who has been able to calm me down in the past, hoping that he would be there for me again. And he was. Smitty talked me through it, helped to control my breathing, and within minutes I was in control of myself again.

We started to talk about what brought on this latest bought of anxiety, things of which I won't go into on here, and the things I can do to control it. He reminded me that my blog used to be my form of therapy, and that recently I've withdrawn from that. And he's absolutely right. Things have changed to where I'm afraid to put my raw emotions out in a place where anyone I know can at anytime "read my thoughts". My lack of anonymity has stopped me from fully expressing myself. And with that, I have lost one of the real beneficial outlets I had for support.

What does that mean for the future? I haven't completely decided yet. I may shut down things here, I may move on to another place and start new, I may stop blogging all together. I'm going to put a lot of thought into it this weekend. When I know, you'll know.